As my story continues...Fast forward a few weeks and it was time to get my blood work done to see if my HCG levels showed if I was pregnant or not. I was driving home from doing an interview in downtown Dallas at the time I got the call from the Doctor.
My heart was racing and I had been anxious about hearing the news all day. The nurse says, "Carly, I’ve got some good news for you, you’re pregnant!” I didn’t even believe her because it just didn’t seem possible! I asked her, “Are you sure you have the right results? My name is Carly Patterson Caldwell, are you sure it's me that is pregnant?” She laughed and said, “Yes, I’m positive its you and yes, you are pregnant!” I was in complete shock! I thanked her while choking back tears and hung up. I completely lost it and balled my eyes out (happy tears of course) all the way home. It seemed so surreal to hear the words I had been waiting to hear for so long!
My husband (Mark) was getting home from out of town that night and I could not wait to tell him! A year and a half prior, on our first month of trying I had ordered a shirt online that said “The man behind the bump” with two fists pointing back at him. I had it shoved in the back of one of my bathroom cabinets all that time thinking I might never be able to use it. So I pulled that baby out and put it in a gift bag with my at home pregnancy test. It was so hard to wait those few hours until he got home to tell him, but I couldn’t wait to see his reaction in person.
I tied a few pacifiers onto our dog Beauxgart’s collar so that when he walked in he would see them when Beauxgart greeted him. When Mark came in and saw and realized the exciting news I was hinting at, his face lit up and he had the biggest smile. He could hardly believe it! Next up, I immediately had to Facetime my mom and sister to share the news with them! Ironically two days later was Father’s Day. We were getting together with our families that weekend so we decided to surprise everyone else and thought how cool to announce that Mark is going to be a Father on Father’s Day?! Everyone was super excited for us, especially knowing our journey.
My work schedule was picking up which means a lot of travel and the doctor wanted blood work done every 48 hours to make sure my HCG levels were rising at the right pace. That following week I was in Houston and San Jose so I had to find Labcorps to get my blood work done. It was kind of comical to have to ask people to take me to get my blood work done for reasons I couldn’t mention. Just knowing I was pregnant made it all worthwhile though and I was going to make whatever needed to happen, happen!
After the first blood work came back, they told me my levels were not rising as quick as they would like. That definitely worried me, but they assured me everyone is different and we would check again in 48 hours. The next results I got were a lot better. They told me they had risen and they were happy with the numbers, but they wanted to do blood work one more time just to be sure. I got home at the end of the week and went straight from the airport to the doctor. This time was even better news that my levels had risen by 50%, which was great. This also meant time to schedule my first sonogram when I got to week 7.
The next few weeks went by fast because I was working and out of town. My husband and I were so excited for July 5th to get here so we could finally hear Baby C’s heartbeat and see him/her for the first time. We pulled up to the doctor's office and I told Mark to get his camera ready to record the heartbeat if we could hear it that day. We got situated in the sonogram room and as we are looking up at the screen, you could tell something wasn’t right. It was just a black hole and silence where you should have seen a little baby and heard a heartbeat.
The nurse took some pictures and got some measurements for the doctor. Mark and I were anxiously waiting to speak to the doctor about what was going on. We were hoping that it was just too early to hear or see something, but our hearts were already breaking, because I think deep down we knew. Our doctor came in with a look of disappointment as he explained what he thought was going on. He called it a “blighted ovum”, which means early pregnancy failure, a miscarriage. At that moment our hearts completely sank. I had to grit my teeth together to hold back tears because I had so many questions I wanted to ask and if I started crying I wouldn’t be able to talk. Our doctor was sad to give us this news and said he had been praying for us and really wanted this to work out just as much as we did. As I was leaving I had to get more blood work done. Those next few hours we were in total shock. Mark and I talked things out and tried to comfort each other.
That day is definitely at the top of the list as one of the most difficult things we have ever had to go through. I had so many emotions going through me, but the major one was anger. I was so mad. How could this happen? How in a couple weeks time can you get the best news of your life and then it turns to the worst news of your life. I thought it was nature's cruelest joke, “Hey you’re pregnant, oh just kidding this pregnancy isn’t going to work out”. Before getting this news, every morning I woke up felt so surreal and like it was Christmas morning. I felt so blessed every day that I was pregnant. The next morning I woke up and instead of it feeling like Christmas morning, it all just felt like a nightmare that couldn’t be real. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I didn’t know what to think, how to feel or what to do. Obviously things were pretty confusing. Our next step was to get a D+C, which is a surgical procedure where they remove the tissue so it doesn’t create any problems or infections.
I scheduled my D+C and I was pretty anxious and nervous about it. I hadn’t had a surgery since my elbow when I was really young or getting my wisdom teeth out so I was just feeling uneasy about everything. Not to mention, we were moving into a new house the same weekend and this was not suppose to be on the agenda. Thankfully, my sweet husband was right there by my side trying to make me laugh because I was seriously struggling. I think it was all of the emotions of the last several months and then a few weeks of thinking we had finally made this happen that made this very overwhelming. The D+C ended up being over in a flash and I woke up before my husband even got called back.
The next few days I was suppose to rest. I wasn’t even able to pick up boxes or be on my feet so I was so lucky to have my mom and mother-in-law pretty much put our new house together. I don’t know what I would do without them sometimes! My two sisters-in-law brought over lots goodies and flowers and that was such a sweet comfort.
The next few days I was still really sad, but at least I was distracted and really glad to have it all behind me so I could start moving on. Next was about a month and a half of waiting for my body and uterus to heal and rest before we could start a new month of treatment. Over that time I felt like every day got a little better, but there were still random days and moments here and there where I just felt sad or frustrated and I knew that I was still grieving and trying to get over this. It wasn't easy processing my emotions and I knew it was just going to take time.
My doctor and I made a new and more aggressive plan for the next go around. I had just gotten all of my next treatments and was excited to get going again. This month we were starting with clomid and a trigger shot like before, but adding in progesterone suppositories, which would help me to keep the pregnancy and hopefully pulling the goalie doing an IUI (intrauterine insemination).
My next doctor’s appointment was to check my uterus one last time to make sure it was all clear to go. Can you guess which news I got? As I am lying down on the table, the doctor traveled a camera up to my uterus. It was really weird because the whole time I was watching my insides on a screen. As soon as he pulls up to my uterus, we see there is still tissue in there that didn’t come out in my D+C so now this means I get to do the entire D+C process all over again. This was just crushing news to hear. This wasn’t what I wanted to have to call and tell my husband, he was bummed too.
I scheduled my next pre-op, had the surgery and Mark was right there to hold my hand through it all. Next was another month and a half of healing, but boy was I going to be ready to start trying again and hopefully hear those magical words again, “You’re pregnant!”
Stay tuned for Part 3!